July heat baked the tarmac, which responded with rippling mirages. In the hangar, I dug into the small space behind the seat of the Mooney Mite to swap out a battery I figured wouldn’t hold a charge anymore. That was exactly how I felt—drained of emotional energy and unable to pull any back into myself. Less than six months earlier I had watched my dad’s coffin go down slowly into the ground. The following afternoon my grandmother, his mom, died of a heart attack. In less than a month, and just as unexpectedly, I would lose my other grandmother too. The attention had been hard. I was grieving, but no longer in the way that anyone could understand. I probably looked normal, perhaps even happy at times. Every condolence came with the expectation I would show some appropriate emotion, a sign of comfort, appreciation, or some indicator of “how I was doing." It was well-intended, but exhausting.
Silence was what I needed. Space.The desert. That was where we used to go in the summers, Dad and I. When I was little I used to lie in the shade under his glider wing and smell the sagebrush. I was free to just be. The only sound was the wind, or the occasional radio check on the ramp. I’d sit in the cockpit of his glider while he rolled it out to the runway lineup for the day’s race.
That evening we went up to the lake to watch the Fourth of July fireworks like we did every year. It didn’t feel the same. The next morning I stuffed my backpack with a sleeping bag, camp stove, and a few books. I also grabbed my backpacker mandolin, which would just barely fit behind the seat with the backpack. There were a few other things I had to do, not knowing when I’d be back, so it was mid afternoon by the time I made it back out to the airport. I ran my hand over the nimble wings and tail, giving it a good preflight. Maybe I would go to Denver. I’d heard good things about Colorado. The prop sputtered into a windy hum with an easy flick of my hand on its metal edge, then I climbed in. My flight briefer said there were thunderstorms past Fallon, so I figured I’d put down there for the night and get an early start the next morning. The plane floated off the runway like a boat lifted by the tide. There were plenty of strong thermals in the hot afternoon, so I let them carry us up to 9,500’ and watched Quincy disappear below.
Fallon’s unicom was silent, and
The man who ran the place filled up my tank and then drove me into town so I could get some soup and oatmeal for the trip. Back at the airport I found a nice spot in the sagebrush by the runway to lie back and enjoy the last of the evening light. The gentlest breeze breathed warmly through the brush. I pulled out the mandolin and played something absent-mindedly, my bare feet on the sand. As the sky turned pink, occasional jackrabbits loped through the pastel browns and greens around me. I was glad not to have any particular plans. It wasn’t the kind of adventure you could plan, I thought to myself. It was the kind you just had to discover.
I enjoy the way you write, the reader feels immediately at home. I hope you have more stories and contine to write.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment! I appreciate it, and I'll make an effort to put more stories on here soon.
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